A blog for Justin and Isabelle

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April 27th, 2005 by shoppingmum

When I was young, my mum was really strict to me, comparing to my brother. Probably because I’m a girl and generally parents are being over-protective over their daughters. My mum used to cane us when we did mistakes, but not abusing us, mind you. She just used the rod when necessary and sparingly.

However, I was deeply hurt whenever I was being punished. I knew about the mistakes I made, but just felt unfair for her to punish me physically. So, I became quite rebellious during my teenage years. Our relationship was getting worse when I was dating during my SPM, and my mum was very angry about it. Now I know that she’s worrying about how could I cope with my exams when I had butterflies in my stomach and in love-love dreamy world. But back then, I thought she’s being unreasonable, and we always ended up with fights (verbally).

After I went to university, our relationship got better because seeing less of each other means less conflict as well. But I was still dating the same guy from high school, and my mum was against it, saying that he’s not the right guy for me. Being naive and angry, I wanted to prove to her that I’ve grown up enough to make my own decision, and I stood by him.

Then, things changed in my 2nd year. My mum was suddenly ill when I was back for holiday. After some check-up, she’s diagnosed as 2nd stage breast cancer. My dad, brother and mum were crying badly when we received the news. I didn’t shed a tear, and was trying to be strong. Mostly in denial that how could this happen to my mum? She doesn’t smoke, drink, or …..But it’s confirmed that she had it. I only cried in my room by myself because I don’t wanna let my mum worry about me. I know she’s worrying sick if she died and what will happen to her 20-year-old daughter and 18-year-old son.

After two operations, my mum was on radiotherapy and chemo for a year. We drove her to the hospital for the first few session, then she insisted on driving herself for radiotherapy. She doesn’t want to be treated as a sick patient at home, and still doing simple chores. I know she’s trying to show us that having cancer doesn’t mean the end of the world, and she can still lead on a normal life.

When I was back at campus, and away from her, I couldn’t help worrying and thinking about my mum. It was then I began to think from her point of view, and understand her better. I was nearly losing her, and I’ll be feeling like shit if I don’t even understand what she has been trying to do for me. Needless to say, I began realising I was seeing that guy to hurt her, not because I loved him that much. So we broke up.

After marrying to my hubby and being away from my mum again, I realise that I miss my mum even more. Our relationship is getting even better with my son, Justin’s arrival. She’s a granny now, and still healthy! I’ve alwasy wanted to tell my mum I love her, but really shy to do so. Maybe I’ll do it on this coming Mother’s Day.

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