When I was single, I used to think that breastfeeding is old-fashioned and only those stay in rural areas do it. Kick me, I was really naive that time.

When I knew I was pregnant with Justin, I was thrilled as hubby and I planned for the pregnancy, and it’s really amazing to see the test kit with 2 red strips! Then, I went shopping with SIL at Anakku where she’s a member. There was a sales on, and I grabbed some babies clothes, accessories, and 2 baby bottles. SIL told me I’d need one for milk feeding and the other one for water. Being first time mum, I took her advice. I thought it’s normal to feed formula milk as most mothers around me do it.

I only read about pregnancy, labour, and childcare during the first trimester. Then, one day, I overheard this conversation over Mix FM about breastfeeding. At the same time, the topics was on Nan Yang newspapers, and I read about it. At that moment, I realised that I have a choice to give my baby the best nourishment he can get, and I’d regret it if I didn’t give it a try.

So, I went to MPH and bought books about breastfeeding and read them like bibles. BTW, I checked on Mymomsbest to learn from other mothers’ experience. The more I learnt, the more determine I was. I thought I was well-prepared and breastfeeding will come easy for me.

When Justin’s born, I was able to latch him on very well right from the first day. I stayed in a baby-friendly initiated hospital, so I was able to room in with baby. Things were well until I was discharged. I was having very bad engorgement, and the lactation nurse who visited me ask me to pump the excess milk, which means empty the breasts to prevent engorgement or mastitis. So, I did what she said. Just pump after every feed as Justin couldn’t empty the breast. At that time, he’s feeding at Little that I knew, the - 2 hourly, and I pumped after every feed day and night. Little that I know, human’s breasts won’t be empty. The more I pumped, the more milk I got. Try to imagine me having leaking or letdown at all time, and finished 24 pcs of disposable breast pads in 2 days! In short, I was a walking cow. The good thing was I occupied MIL’s freezer with my milk, and Xin Yi and Li Wei had their shares of breastmilk too.

Most of the articles I read were about how hard to produce more milk, but none about excess milk. Justin was not coping well after 1st week as my letdown was so strong and he’s choking or vomitting during nursing. He’d let off and had milk spraying on his face! It’s so awful to see him sufferring while he’s trying to cope with the milk. Luckily, I got some advice online, and managed to search for articles about overactive letdown.

So, to equalize demand and supply, I sufferred the engorgement to signal my body for minimizing milk production. Before feeding Justin, I’ll pump until letdown was over and then only latch him on. Basically, I was doing the opposite way of getting more milk. After a couple of weeks, Justin and I had finally come to a state where we enjoy breastfeeding times together. I was happy to hold him and see him nursing to sleep in my arms, which was something that wasn’t there before as we’re too busy stopping the milk and cleaning up the mess. Finally, things went well for us.

I wanted to have another baby soon, but I didn’t plan it like Justin. It’s not easy to plan a pregnancy without a predicted cycle. So, hubby and I had this mentality of letting nature ruled. And I was pregnant with Isabelle when Justin’s about 8 months old.

This time, I wanted to breastfeed him during pregnancy, and hopefully I’ll be able to try tandem nursing. Too bad, I didn’t have a smooth pregnancy, and was forced to wean him off. I felt so guilty sometimes, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to give him the best for a longer period. But I kept my fingers crossed that he’ll remember how to latch on after Isabelle’s born, or take expressed breastmilk thru bottle. However, none of these happenned. Justin doesn’t like to take breastmilk anymore.

Now, I’m a cow to Isabelle. We’re doing very well because I am more well-prepared. And I’ve managed to store at least 60 oz of frozen breastmilk for her in the freezer now without pumping like crazy last time. Even if she doesn’t managed to finish the expressed milk I’ve prepared for her when I’m not around, I don’t feel sad pouring away those 2 oz plus of milk into the sink. I know my body well now, and there’ll always be milk for her if I don’t give up.

Of coz, the only inconvenient I have is I can’t go on diet to lose weight as I’m worring about the effect on breastfeeding. So, losing weight will be much slower, but I hope breastfeeding will help. But if I can choose, I’ll rather have my kids taking my milk then dieting to squeeze my body in S-sized clothes.

To me, breastfeeding is great. But I respect other mothers’ decisions for not doing it, however, they have no idea what they’ve missed!

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