Before I became a mother, I had always thought that baby’s cries are gentle as most babies I know didn’t make a fuss when I saw them. They’ve hidden the TRUE side of crying to their own parents or care-givers, and let us “outsiders” have a good impressions of the babies.

But just the second day I had Justin in my arms, my perception changed immediately. Justin was diagnosed with a high reading of tiriod stimulating hormone, which means his tiroid was not functioning well and didn’t release sufficient hormore and that would affect his growth and intellectual development. He would be on medication for life if his TSH reading was still high from second day onwards.

I was very worried when I heard about the report from his paed. I was alone that morning as hubby needed to bring MIL to do some marketing. I was really devastated, and heart-broken since I’d just had the delivery, and was not mentally strong for any piece of bad news.

After a while, the paed wanted to take Justin away for another blood test when he’s still nursing. Hubby arrived as well, and thought that better get the blood test done first before continuing nursing Justin later. Thus, Justin was crying hard when they took him away.

We followed the paed to the nursery, but we were not allowed to enter. We could see what they’re doing through the glass. Justin was left on the cot crying out loud when the paed and nurse prepared the needles and stuffs. I was feeling very helpless seeing him crying and hoped that I could at less hold him first while they’re preparing. When the paed inserted the needle into the back of his palm, Justin was crying so much that he held his breathe. His face turned purple blue, while the lips became black. I couldn’t take it, and my tears were running down like waterfalls. I felt useless that moment, not knowing how to help him ease his pain. I couldn’t stand there and watch anymore, and walked back crying to my bed.

Hubby waited for them to get the test done, and right after it’s done, he quickly brought Justin to me. He’s crying while holding his breathe, and he’s very blue when I carried him. I quickly nursed him, but he was still crying hard and didn’t suckle well. For a first time mother like me, I was really panic. I rocked, talked, sang, and tried nursing over and over again until he’s cooling down and accepted nursing. At that moment, I’ve forgotten about my painful episiotomy completely! It’s only COMFORTING JUSTIN on my mind.

Since done, I tried not to let Justin cry for too long. He tends to hold his breathe and turn blue when he cries. But he doesn’t have any heart problem, so his paed told me it might just be his way of throwing tantrum, and let everyone scared of his crying. This is quite true. MIL is very scared of Justin’s crying. Whenever he cries and holds his breathe, she’ll quickly rock him and call his name. And I noticed that Justin always holds his breathe longer when MIL’s picking him up, even until now.

If it’s me who’s comforting him when he’s turning blue, he’ll take in his breathe faster, and just cry normally. So, it’s probably only his tactic of “controlling” people around him.

Isabelle hardly cries when she’s a newborn. She was quite easy to handle, and didn’t make much fuss. Even if she cried, her cries were very gentle, and she didn’t hold her breathe like Justin.

However, things have changed. These few days, she’s beginning the “test the water” cries. She’ll whine for a while when there’s no one to carry her, then she’ll cry louder and louder until she holding her breathe like Justin. She doesn’t turn blue though, but deep red on her face. And she’ll arch her body backward when we carry her. It’s so hard to pacify her if she’s crying like this now because she can be very “cheong hei”, crying for so long before she stops again.

Well, it’s not that I purposely let her cry. It’s like moments when I need to take a shower, or preparing Justin’s meal, or answering the phone calls, where I have no choice but to put her down in the cot for a while. She doesn’t like to be left alone now. She used to like looking at the mobile, but I think she’s got bored of it.

Maybe I’m very patient, I’m still yet to lose my cool and scream, but I know her cries have almost reach my boundary. Well, I could be blamed for carrying her too much last time or breastfeeding makes her very attached to me that she just can’t be left by herself now. So, everyone at home has to “bear” with her loudly cries when I’m not at home. She can really cry for more than half an hour looking for me until her face turns reddish.

Before I managed to finish this post, hubby gave me a call from upstairs. Apparently, Isabelle who’s already sleeping soundly was crying for me. Hubby still doesn’t know how to handle her “mommy cries”, so had to call for help.

So, I might be blogging less lately, I have a crying princess to attend to.

Useful Links:

Find plus sized clothing that's fashionable, not frumpy. Ooze class with a pair of designer shoes that matches your outfit.,